Dear Diary,
Yesterday Andrius inquired what the devil I’m doing walking through forests with a runaway thermos in such weather and at such a time of year, when at a gym it would be both brighter and warmer, and in every way more comfortable and civilized. I smiled, because that’s exactly the topic Živilė and I had touched upon the day before yesterday in conversation – the treadmill is a wonderful partner for burning a handful of calories without leaving the room’s walls, getting a move on before work, or watching yet another episode of your favorite series in a somewhat more useful way. However, it’s a rather poor helper for touching maximum peace of mind – for the latter, natural products still suit better – real walking through real space – a city, a riverside, a forest. Because merging with a city, riverside or forest is somewhat more pleasant than merging with muscular fellas surrounding you in a gym or household furniture if the treadmill is humming at home.
What does merging mean? Well, after walking for half an hour or longer, when the mind has calmed down sufficiently, when the last echoes of discussions with yourself have quieted somewhat in your head, the brain switches into a certain surveillance camera mode. It watches the legs stepping along the path, the arms swinging in walking rhythm, the gaze feasting on views, the same path sliding beneath your feet, the vegetation surrounding it, the gray sky hanging above. It watches sounds – a crying bird or a branch crackling somewhere to the left. It watches the majestic silence and emptiness enveloping all of it. It watches and marvels – how crazy must one be to imagine that in all this idyll there is still some “I” – who can do something, who can’t do something, who craves, strives, yearns, compares, envies. Who constantly lacks something. Who has somewhat lived, to whom somewhat remains and who after that, like that branch to the left – snap.
That is a moment of freedom. Freedom from one’s bitterest enemy – from one’s own ego. And freedom from ego momentarily frees attention from all grievances, problems, plans and worries. Frees from the entire world, because our entire world is essentially nothing more than our grievances, problems, plans and worries. Only being remains, only this moment with its legs stepping along the path and pines sliding past, with a calm, mechanical, as if from a security camera, observation. And who are you at that moment? From one side nobody – you dissolved into what surrounds you. From the other side – everything, from a small, vulnerable, unhappy ego you become what you merged with – an all-encompassing silence and emptiness.
So no, in a gym that’s a hardly achievable half-hour-long pleasure. Have a beautiful upcoming one! All-round success to your ego in its pursuits and peaceful, spiritual and wise moments when it temporarily leaves you in peace :-)
