Dear Diary,
A small public secret, that quite often the entries in you, although broadcast to a vast crowd of eye-pairs, are in their essence intended for one or another specific close person, encountering one or another everyday situation, as an alternative to a quick and cozy chat over coffee or a marathon stream of messages in the messenger for one reason or another impossible. So this time is no exception.
One of the most pleasant sensations that embrace you at those moments when you become extremely pure and genuine, when you become clean of your name, history, duties and aspirations, is a certain radiance. Hard to say what exactly you radiate there – perhaps light, perhaps warmth, perhaps just some kind of energy – but you perfectly feel that you are so open and defenseless that something from you unhindered spreads, filling with itself the entire surrounding space, transforming it into something equally bright, warm and filled with some kind of energy. And if you manage to maintain attentiveness while crossing the threshold after which your ruddy little “I” returns with all its needs and long horrible stories, you can perfectly feel how suddenly that radiation vector changes to the cardinal opposite – now it’s no longer you shining into the world, now the world shines into you. The good feeling that accompanied the fact that you were giving is replaced by the bad feeling accompanying the fact that you’re receiving. And you’re receiving devilishly too little of something, while of something else – not at all. Consciousness fills with demands, reproaches, disappointment, waiting, hope and other not the most delicious seasonings – in other words, it returns to its rather familiar state.
So the moral of this unusually short entry is – unusually simple. A depressed mood, stress, an overturned inner world signals one single thing: the desire to suck the world, to devour and digest it, has significantly exceeded the desire to fill it with your light, your warmth. Therefore a simple pause and redirection of your attention to the opposite side can become a wonderful helper both in regaining peace of mind and in finding ways out of all existing situations. And if upon closing your eyes you manage to establish the fact that yes, at this moment something is expanding inside, something warm, good and dear, and unhindered expanding spreads in every possible direction, it means you are again on the right path.
Have a peaceful one :-)
