Dear Diary,
When on a sunny evening you plop down on your favorite bench in Kalniečiai Park with your favorite thermos mug in hand, inside which your favorite liquid dessert swishes – filtered coffee with two teaspoons of sweetened condensed milk – and fix your gaze on a dandelion swaying in the gentle breeze before your eyes, your body is once again flooded with all your favorite feelings. Peace, love, safety and wholeness. Feelings you searched for all day in endless projects, in goals raised by others’ hands, in benchmarks and slogans, in priorities whose meaning you see only by looking at them with wild, borrowed eyes, in a payslip evoking gentle melancholy, and in the Facebook dating section. Feelings that were never there and cannot be. Yet day after day, like a ram ceaselessly butting its head against a locked gate, you never stop searching for them there.
Here it is, the World! The swaying dandelion, the quietly rippling pond water, the drooping willow, the four-legged friend who ran over to greet you, children laughing in the distance. What does it owe you? What more could it give you to finally overflow this already perfect moment? After all, just a few hours ago you could have rattled off the longest list – “The world hasn’t yet given me this, this, and this and that too. And that it mercilessly took away, so it must immediately return it!” But now, looking it straight in the eye, being with it in the most intimate and coziest moment, you see how that entire list turns into a meaningless collection of egotistic absurdity. And, most importantly, what do you owe the World? What part of the real world, in general? The dandelion? The pond? Yet your head was full all day of tension in the form of words “I must! I have to! Otherwise – punishment!” All of that touched a completely different world – cramped, dark and uncomfortable, which you, with the help of thoughts and images, tirelessly construct in your cramped little head and which now evaporated like a cloud of black smoke released by an old diesel Opel.
But there’s still something that seems to flicker before your eyes but that you simply cannot grasp, analyze, or name. Some fundamental difference between how you felt all day and how you feel now. As if some inner compass needle simply flipped to the other side. Yes, that’s right! After all, all day you were merely a reflection of the world. All day it showed you examples of injustice, absurdity, greed and bloodthirstiness in the form of images on the Nexta Telegram channel and A. Tapinas’ posts on social networks, and you, like a mirror, reflected that in your inner little world feeling the darkest and most oppressive emotions toward all of it. But now – the opposite. Now you see that both that dandelion, and that pond, and those laughing children on its other bank are merely reflections of your own light, your love, peace and wholeness.
Who could deny that the difference between a bright person and a somewhat dimmer one lies precisely in this?
Shine on. And have a meaningful remaining Sunday! :-)
