Dear Diary,
The other day I watched a YouTube monologue in which a young woman mercilessly compressed all of Eastern philosophy into one single sentence. Life, she says, can be lived in two modes. Either you hold attention in what you are, or you hold attention in what you do. There is no third option, as she claims. The first returns you to the primary, absolute state (not to be confused with the state to which the alcoholic beverage of the same name returns you). The second shatters you and the world surrounding you, space and time into billions of fragments, as a result of which you begin living the not-easy, to-all-of-us-familiar little life – “I, as a tiny fragment, should reach that other tiny fragment, in the form of a person, event or otherwise, but that third fragment hinders me, to move which requires the fourth fragment. And if in that fifth time fragment I had acted differently than I did, I would now have the sixth fragment, which would help me tremendously in all this jumble” – such an eternal, strength-and-health-draining assembly of a big and pointless puzzle.
And how do you hold attention in what you are? you’ll ask. Like, hold thoughts in your head that I am so-and-so, have lived this-and-that long, have this-and-that, want this-and-that, must do that and this? No. Everything you listed is not what you are, but what you do – have, want, crave, must, received. What you are remains when the above-described actions and descriptions fall away, when the world from a billion fragments, including yourself, instantly glues back into something whole, perfect, infinite, bearing feelings of wholeness and bliss and transferring you to a certain paradise existing right where you are and doing what you’re doing, although at the level of physical sensation only a majestic emptiness remains, gazing upon an equally majestic emptiness. No wonder one of the hundreds of words describing this state of being is the aforementioned absolute.
And it seems, what kind of fool would willingly return to the initial madness. But after a moment something inside begins anxiously whispering – “What are you doing? You should be unspeakably ashamed! After all, right now is the perfect moment to think about what awaits you in one, three, or fifteen years. About next week’s work. About past relationships. About how unfair the world is. And about dinner. Around you so many fragments that you simply must move, push or redo. So many fragments demanding your time and attention! And you just pist, and into paradise in the middle of Savanorių Prospect!” And you return. And you shatter the world to glue something from its shards with an anxious face. But already a bit more peacefully. Because you already know how to take a breath from it all. And there is no third option.
A meaningful day and all-round success in reaching the heights of what you do. Because in what you are, you are already the pinnacle itself :-)
